Femmes Br@nchées #_ :: Bye Bye Barbara

presented Dec. 14, 1996 at studio XX

by Kim Sawchuk

This is the script of
a short performance piece, with musical accompaniment on the kazoo.

This is a Political Service Anouncement
brought to you by Studio XX.

sing:

That's blue as in neo-conservative Tory
blue.This isn't Baywatch. It's Barb watch. More specifically Barbara
Amiel-Black watch.

Former editor of the Toronto Sun, columnist
for McLeans magazine and the London Telegraph, as well as an author
of several books of non-fiction, Ms. Amiel Black's malignant presence
seems to be growing. She is now International Affairs Correspondent
for the Southam Presses, as well as vice president of Hollinger Inc.
a world wide media conglomerate owned by her husband, Mr. C.

That's Conrad, Conrad Black who controls
the shares of over 60 percent of the newspapers in English Canada. Conrad
maintains that we shouldn't be concerned about this monopoly. He can
separate ideology from ownership. He has brought Canadians nothing but
quality reporting- like the writings of Barbara Amiel Black.

wedding march on
kazoo...

Now, don't confuse this Barbara with
those other benign Barbara's: Barbara Streisand, Barbara Walters, Barbara
Frum or even Barbara Bush, add a Barbara of your own. This Barbie is
no doll.

Although she now resides in England,
Barbara Amiel Black is our own home grown "lady against women." And
if any of you caught her on this Hour Has Twenty Two Minutes she seems
to be acquiring an accent. A British accent. A British upper class accent.
It must be from rubbing shoulders with the rich and famous like Lady
Di, Lord King, and Henry Kissinger who have all been spotted at recent
dinner parties. Oh yes, it's Dynasty Canajun style.

Barbara and Conrad; Conrad and Barbara.
She supplies the glitz, the taste they say, he the bucks.

But why, oh why, am I wasting my breathe
and your time providing a Political Service Announcement on a woman
who I so gleefully love to despise?

Quality reporting.

Maybe you've read one of her McLean's
articles, such as:

"Firing a 'hooker' is an
employers right" (Dec. 18, 1995)

"The madness of the unisex
experiment" (Aug. 28, 1995)

"Baleful feminism and O.J.
Simpson" (Feb. 6, 1995)

or my personal favorite,
"In defense of elitism: benefits for everyone" (July
31, 1995)

I'm confused and a little concerned as
a writer and a member of Studio XX.

After all Ms. Barbara Amiel Black has
suggested that if you want to promote Canadian literature, "you can
do more by giving to the defense budget than to agencies like the Canada
Council. " (May 1, 1995) But 's not only the headlines. This is a woman
connected to powerful interests like the National Business Council a
right wing lobby group in Ottawa who awarded Ms. Amiel Black their highest
accolade for defending her brand of individualism and the rights of
the free market against creeping statism.

sing:

Perhaps you have noticed her syndicated
International Affairs Column on page B6 of Saturday's Gazette, a paper
now owned by Conrad. This intrepid International Affairs Columnist reports
from abroad, warning of the dangers of excessive liberalism at fault
for "poor education; rising health care; young criminals; and welfare
dependency." (Aug. 31, 96)

More than once she has made me steamed.
International Affairs columnist. Now normally, this is the type of editorial
position that you would expect to be about worldly political issues.
And sometimes it is. But sometimes it is political in ways unexpected.

To give credit where credit is due our
Ms. Amiel Black dains to discuss issues domestic in her International
Affairs column, giving a whole new meaing to that phrase the "personal
is political". Issues like "Violence: a private affair: British soccer
player shouldn't be vilified because his wife has a black eye and bruises."
(Nov. 9, 1996) After all, a little aggressive behaviour by men is natural,
unlike the horrid unnaturalness of same sex couples and gay parents
.

Natural and unnatural are favorite terms
in her vocabularly and she seems able to divine who is on what side
of this border. It must be divination since most of her writing is low
on research and high on bombastic rhetoric.

Well fight fire with fire I say. And
that's why I'm here today.

Our Barbara seems particularly vexed
feminism, insipid daughter of liberalism, specifically blamed for mixed
sex hospital wards, the demise of the modern family, and of course the
sorry condition of "Henpecked men who carry feminist torch" Yes, a "feminised
society" deprives we women of these take-charge men. " (Nov. 23, 1996)

Men like Conrad Black?

Perhaps she should be concerned about
such issues. After all, this is her third marriage. (meow)

But I guess that this time she found
Mr. Right!

Barbara Amiel is a woman of power, no
let me rephrase that an anti-feminist, homophobe occupying her own version
of the moral high ground. A murky stew of libertarianism spiced by financial
comfort- a dream world located on the other side of the pond where she
can pontificate about the insipid character of all of us, francophones
and anglophones, back here in the colonies.

Bye Bye blackbird
on Kazoo...
(get audience to snap fingers and join in)

The homeless or the single
moms Forget them all, they're welfare scum Bye Bye Barbara

Life's too short to show
any compassion By our papers, find out what's RIGHT in fashion

So if your bank account is
low. That's too bad, we've got dough!!